Are Hipsters Now Amongst us?

A frightening survey shows that an increasing amount of hipsters are disappearing from the streets and local Trader Joe's. Where have they gone? History tells us that Hipsters do not have a migratory pattern. Have their species experienced a mass extinction? Or worse, have they assimilated themselves into our culture? One theory comes from ASU's Animal Behavior department: "What is the essence of a hipster? Yes, it's crucial for him to be avant-garde and have an over-all aura of douchebaggery. But his main stride in life is for irony. What better way to be ironic, than to live like those you guffaw at?" If he is right, then we may all be in jeopardy. If you notice any unusual activity, please contact your local authorities and pray.